The Best Recipe for a Family Meal | Cook Together and Sit Down to Connect
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Don’t underestimate the power of the family meal for effective parenting strategies. Cook together and then sit down with no devices over a delicious feast. This is the perfect recipe for quality family time that even the pickiest eaters love. The goal is to come together once a day to listen and foster the bond we’re all yearning for.
I was chatting with a client recently about my kids fussy eating habits. They’re both still very young. Her children are grown, and she asked if it was ok to give me some advice. I appreciate all the help I can get on this subject, and I was expecting a recipe hack or food suggestion. Her advice was very simple, yet interesting. She said, “everything will turn out fine as long as you make family meal time a priority. Start now while they’re young. Once you stop making it a habit, it’s impossible to get that time with your kids back.”
I did some research and wove her point into my narrative for this blog post. Turns out it’s a huge, scientifically studied piece of the puzzle. If you do your best to stick to this recipe, everyone eats healthier, bolsters their communication skills, and stays out of trouble.
Exposure to healthy food grows into love of healthy food.
I grew up as the pickiest eater on the planet and it took me close to 16 years to get over it. The few things I ate were overall super healthy because my mom constantly exposed me to them. Turns out, you can live pretty well off of chicken, quinoa, and broccoli.
Although it may be initially frustrating, family mealtime is the best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables. I always joke that God must have a proper sense of humor because He gave me a child that is arguably more picky than I was. My husband and I have accepted the fact that family mealtime is often going to be a battle - a loud, annoying, messy battle.
We introduce small amounts of healthy foods along with what we know our toddler will eat. If we can get her to touch a green bean, we know she’ll eventually eat it as it becomes more familiar. It might take months (and a lot of patience we didn’t know we had) but we’re determined not to give up.
If you’re in the same boat, the key is to shift your mindset of this common experience. It’s not really a battle, it’s a positive opportunity in disguise. Be prepared with a tarp on the floor if you have to, but keep the mood light and lead by example. If you’re consistent in your efforts, provide wonderful food that you love to eat, and give yourself permission to fail once in a while, everything will turn out just fine. It may take 16 years (probably not) but it’ll pay off.
A 2018 study conducted with thousands of teenagers and young adults concluded that family meal time means healthier food choices. The Journal of the American Medical Association associates more frequent family dinners with higher intakes of fruits and vegetables and lower intakes of fast foods, takeout foods, and sugar-sweetened beverages.
Another valuable time to connect over food starts before you even sit down to eat.
I’m talking about teaching your kids to cook. If you want to create capable children that appreciate and understand food and family time, start in the kitchen. Learning how to cook was the one thing that ultimately turned me from a picky eater into an adventurous one. Cooking engages all five senses and allows you to become familiar with a meal from start to finish.
Cooking the family meal together provides you extra time to engage with one another and to teach a valuable life skill. Start with simple tasks like allowing your child to get ingredients from the fridge, dump things into bowls or pans (safely, obviously) and show them how to chop and use appliances correctly. Once your kids understand the process and all the work that goes into a meal, they’ll be more likely to eat it and hopefully appreciate it.
Your Family May Not Have It All Together, but Together You Have It All.
It’s corny, yes, but it’s also true. That’s what makes it corny. A functional family, “is defined by how family members manage daily routines, communicate, and connect emotionally with one another,” according to the same article from the JAMA Network. The article notes that general family function directly relates to the frequency of family mealtime.
What other activities can you think of that allow you to check off all the above aspects to foster a functional family unit? Family mealtime is the clear winner in creating that connection.
Kids need to feel heard and understood.
If you get in the habit of engaging your kids at the dinner table, eventually they’ll open up and tell you a lot. An article from Stanford Children’s Health points out how family meals benefit a child’s self-esteem. When you allow frequent, dedicated time to let your kids share in conversation, you show them you care about what they have to say. As their confidence grows, so does their ability to communicate effectively. This is, again, the perfect chance to lead by example and to share your values.
We all remember how difficult navigating the adolescent social years is. An observational study from PubMed shows that family dinners may help protect kids from the harmful effects of bullying. When adolescents are left to fend for themselves with little outlet to express sadness and frustration, they often turn to substance abuse. Of the almost 19,000 teens observed in the study, a fifth of them experienced bullying (more often cyberbullying). All of those cases produced instances of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.
Since family mealtime directly correlates with a support system and connection, it reduced the victimization and substance abuse related to bullying. Make at least one sit down meal an expected daily priority. Do this from day one, and you’ll better the chances of intervening to help your kids feel loved, empowered, and make smart choices.
So there you have it. The best recipe for a family meal is simply to have one at all. Maximize your time by teaching your kids how to cook and how to communicate. Sitting down with your kids in this way is the easiest, most powerful gift of your time and a gesture of love.
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Yours in Family Function,
Melanie